I Told You He Was A Moron!

Here at Vernacular Trickery, we love to poke fun at the "Little Engine That Can't"...that's right, "W", the man who put the "w" in "WOW...WHAT THE FUCK'D HE JUST SAY?"

Here's a look back at some of the vernacular trickery of the Commander -in-Chef (put a fork in him--he's done).

"This business about graceful exit just simply has no realism to it at all."—responding to speculation that American forces could be called back from Iraq, Amman, Jordan, Nov. 30, 2006

"No doubt in my mind, with your help, Dave Lamberti will be the next United States congressman."—speaking at a campaign rally for Jeff Lamberti, Des Moines, Iowa, Oct. 26, 2006.

"You know, when I campaigned here in 2000, I said, I want to be a war President. No President wants to be a war President, but I am one."—Des Moines, Iowa, Oct. 26, 2006

"This morning my administration released the budget numbers for fiscal 2006. These budget numbers are not just estimates; these are the actual results for the fiscal year that ended February the 30th."—referring to the fiscal year that ended on Sept. 30, Washington, D.C., Oct. 11, 2006.

"One has a stronger hand when there's more people playing your same cards."—Washington, D.C., Oct. 11, 2006

"You're one of the outstanding leaders in a very important part of the world. I want to thank you for strategizing our discussions."—Meeting with the prime minister of Malaysia, New York, Sept. 18, 2006



"The goals of this country is to enhance prosperity and peace."—Speaking at the White House Conference on Global Literacy, New York, Sept. 18, 2006

"You know, one of the hardest parts of my job is to connect Iraq to the war on terror."—Interview with CBS News, Washington D.C., Sept. 6, 2006

"One thing is clear, is relations between America and Russia are good, and they're important that they be good."—Strelna, Russia, July 15, 2006

"We shouldn't fear a world that is more interacted."—Washington, D.C., June 27, 2006.

"I've reminded the prime minister—the American people, Mr. Prime Minister, over the past months that it was not always a given that the United States and America would have a close relationship."—Washington, D.C., June 29, 2006

"I tell people, let's don't fear the future, let's shape it."—Omaha, Neb., June 7,
"I think—tide turning—see, as I remember—I was raised in the desert, but tides kind of—it's easy to see a tide turn—did I say those words?"—Washington, D.C., June 14, 2006

This Guy's a Moron!

Who: President George Bush, two days before Hurricane Katrina made landfall.
What He Said: "A State of Emergency exists in Louisiana beginning yesterday."
What He Meant: "But since I'm still on vacation, I need to stage a few photo-ops strumming a guitar and playing golf first."

Who: Representative Dennis Hastert.
What He Said: "I don't know about that [rebuilding New Orleans.] That doesn't make sense to me."
What He Meant: "It's just poor people, right?"

Who: President Bush.
What He Said: "We want to make sure that we can respond properly if there's a WMD attack or another major storm."
What He Meant: "It was Al Qaeda again."

Who: Barbara Bush at the Houston Astrodome.
What She Said: "So many of the people in the arena here, you know, were underprivileged anyway, so this is working very well for them."
What She Meant: "It's just poor people, right?"

Who: President Bush, in Alabama four days after the hurricane.
What He Said: "Out of the rubbles of Trent Lott's house -- he's lost his entire house -- there's going to be a fantastic house. And I'm looking forward to sitting on the porch."
What He Meant: "If you expect help, you better move to a state run by Republicans. Even better, a state run by my brother."

Who: Homeland Secretary Michael Chertoff.
What He Said: "The conditions at the New Orleans Superdome were nowhere near as bad as the TV images suggested."
What He Meant: "Lying next to dead people in toxic waste without food and water while terrorized by thugs ain't such a bad thing."

Who: President Bush, Sept. 1, 2005.
What He Said: "I don't think anyone anticipated the breach of the levees."
What He Meant: "I don't think anyone imagined people would fly airplanes into buildings."

Who: Senator Rick Santorum
What He Said: "You have people who don't heed those warnings and then put people at risk. ... There may be a need to look at tougher penalties on those who decide to ride it out."
What He Meant: "And when I say tough penalties, I mean worse than drowning in your attic."

Who: President Bush, speaking about FEMA chairman Michael Brown.
What He Said: "Brownie, you're doing a heck of a job."
What He Meant: "For a former head of the Arabian Horse Association."

Who: Barbara Bush, at the Houston Astrodome
What She Said: "What I am hearing, which is sort of scary, is they all want to stay here in Texas."
What She Meant: "For crum's sake, I live in Texas."

Who: President Bush.
What He Said: "What I intend to do is to lead an investigation to find out what went right and what went wrong."
What He Meant: "We will track down these evildoing hurricanes. They can run but they can't hide. We will liberate the brave, freedom-loving Hurricanians."

Who: President Bush.
What He Said: "I remember New Orleans as a great town where I used to enjoy myself -- occasionally too much."
What He Meant: "I could use a drink."

Who: President Bush.What He Said: "If things went wrong, we'll correct them, and when things went right, we'll duplicate them."
What He Meant: "One list is going to be longer than the other."

Vernacular Trickery For The Office

I wonder if "W" has added these words to his vernacular...tricky as it is. And I wonder if these things are said and done up on Capitol Hill. Vernacular Trickery at its finest.

NEW WORDS FOR 2006: Essential vocabulary additions for the workplace (and elsewhere)
1. BLAMESTORMING : Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadlinewas missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.
2. SEAGULL MANAGER: A manager, who flies in, makes a lot of noise, crapson everything, and then leaves.
3. ASSMOSIS : The process by which some people seem to absorb successand advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard.
4. SALMON DAY: The experience of spending an entire day swimmingupstream only to get screwed and die in the end.
5. CUBE FARM: An office filled with cubicles
6. PRAIRIE DOGGING: When someone yells or drops something loudly in acube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to seewhat's going on.
7. MOUSE POTATO: The on-line, wired generation's answer to the couchpotato.
8. SITCOMS: Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. Whatyuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stopsworking to stay home with the kids.
9. STRESS PUPPY: A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out andwhiny.
10. SWIPEOUT: An ATM or credit card that has been rendered uselessbecause the magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use.
11. XEROX SUBSIDY: Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from one'sworkplace.
12. IRRITAINMENT: Entertainment and media spectacles that are annoyingbut you find yourself unable to stop watching them. The J-Lo andBen wedding (or not) was a prime example - Michael Jackson, another.
13. PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE: The fine art of whacking the crap out of anelectronic device to get it to work again.
14. ADMINISPHERE : The rarefied organizational layers beginning justabove the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere
are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to theproblems they were designed to solve.
15. 404 : Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error Message"404 Not Found," meaning that the requested site could not belocated.
16. GENERICA : Features of the American landscape that are exactly thesame no matter where one is, such as fast food joints, stripmalls, and subdivisions.
17. OHNOSECOND : That minuscule fraction of time in which you realizethat you've just made a BIG mistake. (Like after hitting send onan email by mistake)
18. WOOFS : Well-Off Older Folks.
19. CROP DUSTING: Surreptitiously passing gas while passing through aCube Farm.

Does GM Stand for "Grossly Misleading?"

In the wake of U.S. oil barons holding petroleum, and Americans hostage, General Motors has come up with a diversionary tactic meant to recharge the Republican Party, and revive a sagging economy. Through the graciousness of their hearts, the moguls at GM have agreed to reduce the price of gasoline to $1.99! At the time of this writing, the national average for a gallon of regular gasoline (87 grade) is roughly $2.95 based on AAA reports. The "savings" that GM offers is almost $1.00 per gallon. What a bargain!

"What's the catch?" you may ask. Good question! The catch is that the deal is offered only in California and Florida. two of the largest states in the Union, and both Republican strongholds for the moment. There is another major catch...

One hitch to the promotion is that customers must also agree to enroll in the OnStar vehicle diagnostic service, which is free for the first year but after that will cost $16.95 a month. The other is that many of the eligible vehicles are serious gas guzzlers. The offer is only good for 2006 and 2007 model year vehicles.

In California, eligible vehicles are the Chevrolet Tahoe and Suburban sport utility vehicles and Impala and Monte Carlo sedans; the GMC Yukon and Yukon XL SUVs; the Hummer H2 and H3 SUVs; the Cadillac SRX SUV; and the Pontiac Grand Prix and Buick LaCrosse sedans.

In Florida, eligible vehicles are the Impala, Monte Carlo, Grand Prix and LaCrosse.Customers must buy or lease an eligible vehicle between May 25 and July 5 and enroll in the OnStar diagnostic service, which automatically runs checks on the vehicle and sends e-mail notices to owners each month.

Great! I'm getting bent over in Anytown, USA for gas to get to work, and they're offering deals to CA and FLA residents who purchase new vehicles and allow Big Brother into their lives. What the.....??

Each month for one year, GM will give drivers a credit on a prepaid card based on their estimated fuel usage. Fuel usage will be calculated by the miles they drive, as recorded by OnStar, and the vehicle's fuel economy rating. GM will credit drivers the difference between the average price per gallon in their state and the $1.99 cap. The credits can be used through December 2007. Consumers wouldn't get any credits if gas prices fall below $1.99.

Great, so now Big Brother knows where I am, and once a month for a year, GM will issue me credit on what they estimate my milage usage to be...What a bargain!

When GM says it will "cap" gas prices at $1.99/gal we wonder if it's vernacular trickery for "We'll give wealthy Republicans an incentive to buy gas-guzzling vehicles as opposed to investigating alternative fuels, or alternative fuel sorces."

From The Spook
Who Sat By The Door
To The Rich White Man In The Room

Lynn Swann, pro football Hall of Famer and current Republican candidate for Governor of Pennsylvania was referred to as “the rich white guy in this campaign” by opponent Bill Scranton’s campaign manager, James Seif during an interview of candidates on Pennsylvania’s Government Access Cable channel PCN on Thursday, January 26, 2006. “The rich white man in the room”. Candidate Scranton, a former lieutenant governor who is white, comes from a wealthy family.

The statement caught me off guard. I did not know what Seif could have meant by the statement. Was he saying that Swann, because of his wealth and/or stature, wasn’t a real black man? Nah…That wasn’t it. The remark was made because Swann is black. It was just the opposite. Seif’s remark was not a term of endearment or one of inclusion for Swann. This was a racial slur towards Swan and African Americans of wealth and stature. It was about old money versus new money. Prominence versus provenance. It’s about how no matter how high a black man climbs in this society he is never completely accepted by those he may feel that he has assimilated with. Nor has he associated himself with the ilk of people who look beyond color. The common term is “color blind”. The term should be something more positive like “diversity astute”, rather than one that incorporates a term generally used to describe an impairment or disability. The problem is peoples’ inability to recognize and appreciate differences. But, I digress. The ease of which the term was used indicates to me that this is how some rich white people refer to rich African Americans. In this case, rich white Republican men.

Scranton immediately fired Seif and issued an apology to Swann and the viewers.

As we sat at the Urban Round Table and discussed this issue, it became very clear, that “The Rich White Man In The Room” was not a compliment. It was code. It was vernacular trickery… for “uppity nigger”.

Arse Hole...or the Whole of an Arse?

George W. Bush as the New Richard M. Nixon: Both Wiretapped Illegally, and Impeachably; Both Claimed That a President May Violate Congress' Laws to Protect National Security.

On Friday, December 16, the New York Times published a major scoop by James Risen and Eric Lichtblau: They reported that Bush authorized the National Security Agency (NSA) to spy on Americans without warrants, ignoring the procedures of the Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Act (FISA).
It was a long story loaded with astonishing information of lawbreaking at the White House. It reported that sometime in 2002, Bush issued an executive order authorizing NSA to track and intercept international telephone and/or email exchanges coming into, or out of, the U.S. - when one party was believed to have direct or indirect ties with al Qaeda.

Initially, Bush and the White House stonewalled, neither confirming nor denying the president had ignored the law. Bush refused to discuss it in his interview with Jim Lehrer.
Then, on Saturday, December 17, in his radio broadcast, Bush admitted that the New York Times was correct - and thus conceded he had committed an impeachable offense.
There can be no serious question that warrantless wiretapping, in violation of the law, is impeachable. After all, Nixon was charged in Article II of his bill of impeachment with illegal wiretapping for what he, too, claimed were national security reasons.
These parallel violations underscore the continuing, disturbing parallels between this Administration and the Nixon Administration - parallels of alarming proportion.
Indeed, here, Bush may have outdone Nixon: Nixon's illegal surveillance was limited; Bush's, it is developing, may be extraordinarily broad in scope. First reports indicated that NSA was only monitoring foreign calls, originating either in the USA or abroad, and that no more than 500 calls were being covered at any given time. But later reports have suggested that NSA is "data mining" literally millions of calls - and has been given access by the telecommunications companies to "switching" stations through which foreign communications traffic flows.
In sum, this is big-time, Big Brother electronic surveillance.
Given the national security implications of the story, the Times said they had been sitting on it for a year. And now that it has broken, Bush has ordered a criminal investigation into the source of the leak. He suggests that those who might have felt confidence they would not be spied on, now can have no such confidence, so they may find other methods of communicating. Other than encryption and code, it is difficult to envision how.

Such a criminal investigation is rather ironic - for the leak's effect was to reveal Bush's own offense. Having been ferreted out as a criminal, Bush now will try to ferret out the leakers who revealed him.
Nixon's Wiretapping - and the Congressional Action that Followed
Through the FBI, Nixon had wiretapped five members of his national security staff, two newsmen, and a staffer at the Department of Defense. These people were targeted because Nixon's plans for dealing with Vietnam -- we were at war at the time -- were ending up on the front page of the New York Times.
Nixon had a plausible national security justification for the wiretaps: To stop the leaks, which had meant that not only the public, but America's enemies, were privy to its plans. But the use of the information from the wiretaps went far beyond that justification: A few juicy tidbits were used for political purposes. Accordingly, Congress believed the wiretapping, combined with the misuse of the information it had gathered, to be an impeachable offense.
Following Nixon's resignation, Senator Frank Church chaired a committee that investigated the uses and abuses of the intelligence derived from the wiretaps. From his report on electronic surveillance, emerged the proposal to create the Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Act (FISA). The Act both set limits on electronic surveillance, and created a secret court within the Department of Justice - the FISA Court -- that could, within these limits, grant law enforcement's requests to engage in electronic surveillance.
The legislative history of FISA makes it very clear that Congress sought to create laws to govern the uses of warrantless wiretaps. Thus, Bush's authorization of wiretapping without any application to the FISA Court violated the law.

With all that being said, we at the Urban Coffee Table wonder if "George W. Bush" is vernacular trickery for "Arse hole"...or at the very least "The Whole of an Arse"?

Where'd I Go Wrong?

Overheard in a classroom one day:

Teacher: As I point to you, I'd like each child to stand up, introduce themselves, and tell the class what they'd like to be when they grow up. (Teacher points to a young man)

Stan: "My name is Stan, and when I grow up to be a man, I'd like to go to Japan...if I can."

Teacher: "Very good, Stan." (Points to a young lady)

Sadie: "My name is Sadie, and when I grow up to be a lady, I'd like to have a baby...if I can."

Teacher: "Very good, Sadie." (Points to another young man)

Dan: "My name is Dan, damn Japan, when I grow up to be a man I wanna help Sadie with her plan...if I can!"

While sitting around the Urban Coffeetable again I mused about what this world is coming to as far as our kids are concerned. I mean, theses kids need their asses kicked somethin' fierce. ...talkin' back to their parents, teachers, and elders in general; cussin' like some kinda daggone sailor. And when did young girls start gettin' so fast? I've seen more 10-13 year olds shakin' what their mammas gave them than I care to count. Man, there's even lesbian gangs in high schools--lesbian gangs?!? What...the...phuck?!?! Oh well, I guess if priests can rape little boys, lesbians can form gangs. And speaking of boys, you can't get a young man to keep his shirt tucked in for nothin', and if you're not wearing the Dickies black or dark blue "prison" uniform, well, you're just a beyotch!

With all the good things there are going on in the school systems around the country, sometimes I just can't see the forest for the trees. Teaching is great, but I often wonder if the words "I'm a teacher" are just vernacular trickery for "where did I go wrong with my life?"