Wednesday, November 22, 2006

Vernacular Trickery For The Office


I wonder if "W" has added these words to his vernacular...tricky as it is. And I wonder if these things are said and done up on Capitol Hill. Vernacular Trickery at its finest.

NEW WORDS FOR 2006: Essential vocabulary additions for the workplace (and elsewhere)
1. BLAMESTORMING : Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadlinewas missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.
2. SEAGULL MANAGER: A manager, who flies in, makes a lot of noise, crapson everything, and then leaves.
3. ASSMOSIS : The process by which some people seem to absorb successand advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard.
4. SALMON DAY: The experience of spending an entire day swimmingupstream only to get screwed and die in the end.
5. CUBE FARM: An office filled with cubicles
6. PRAIRIE DOGGING: When someone yells or drops something loudly in acube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to seewhat's going on.
7. MOUSE POTATO: The on-line, wired generation's answer to the couchpotato.
8. SITCOMS: Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. Whatyuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stopsworking to stay home with the kids.
9. STRESS PUPPY: A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out andwhiny.
10. SWIPEOUT: An ATM or credit card that has been rendered uselessbecause the magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use.
11. XEROX SUBSIDY: Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from one'sworkplace.
12. IRRITAINMENT: Entertainment and media spectacles that are annoyingbut you find yourself unable to stop watching them. The J-Lo andBen wedding (or not) was a prime example - Michael Jackson, another.
13. PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE: The fine art of whacking the crap out of anelectronic device to get it to work again.
14. ADMINISPHERE : The rarefied organizational layers beginning justabove the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere
are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to theproblems they were designed to solve.
15. 404 : Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error Message"404 Not Found," meaning that the requested site could not belocated.
16. GENERICA : Features of the American landscape that are exactly thesame no matter where one is, such as fast food joints, stripmalls, and subdivisions.
17. OHNOSECOND : That minuscule fraction of time in which you realizethat you've just made a BIG mistake. (Like after hitting send onan email by mistake)
18. WOOFS : Well-Off Older Folks.
19. CROP DUSTING: Surreptitiously passing gas while passing through aCube Farm.

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