Watch out Below!

I love this very evil, politically incorrect story which I owe to Mitch Friedman and our friends at Tarzan's Tripes Forever.
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Fellow checks into a Vegas hotel. Bellman hands him his key, and he gives the bellman a big tip and says, "Listen, can you get me some Italian prostitutes, and send them up to the room?"

Bellman, says, "Oh, yes, Sir. Right away, Sir."

Guy says, "Now, they HAVE to be Italian prostitutes, understand? And, send lots of them."

"Yessir".

Little later, girls start appearing at the door of his room. He invites them in. Turns out he's a vampire. He drinks their blood and, then, pushes them off the balcony. The bellman is going out to get luggage and is hit several times by the falling bodies. He tells the manager who calls the police. The police arrive and question the bellman, asking him "What's going on?"

He says, "All I know is DRAINED WOPS KEEP FALLING ON MY HEAD."

The Ultimate Rejection Letter

Now, this is obviously a parody, but I LOVE its directness and literary charm. This is vernaculary trickery at its very best! Enjoy.

The Ultimate Rejection Letter
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Herbert A. Millington
Chair - Search Committee
412A Clarkson Hall, Whitson University
College Hill, MA 34109

Dear Professor Millington,

Thank you for your letter of March 16. After careful consideration, I
regret to inform you that I am unable to accept your refusal to offer me an assistant professor position in your department.

This year I have been particularly fortunate in receiving an unusually
large number of rejection letters. With such a varied and promising field of candidates, it is impossible for me to accept all refusals.

Despite Whitson's outstanding qualifications and previous experience in
rejecting applicants, I find that your rejection does not meet my needs at this time. Therefore, I will assume the position of assistant professor in your department this August. I look forward to seeing you then.

Best of luck in rejecting future applicants.

Sincerely,

Chris L. Jensen